Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Advice needed
Bring two families together as anyone knows, problems are going to come up. As a parent that never had step children I feel that I don't have a connection like I have with my own. I look at them and treat them the same way I would mine but I don't have the respect like I should from them. I don't want to take their moms place but I would love to have that connection like I have with my own children. I am having problems with my step son (Devon) that I have never been through with any of my own or even my self. He has experienced with drugs and got mixed up with some wrong kids that got him in trouble with the law. He doesn't look at it like a major problem and I don't think he realizes how serious it is. I try to talk to him, some days I get through and others I feel like he in space wondering when I am going to stop talking. I know from talking to Roscoe (his dad) any close female in his life as walked away in some way or another so I think he feels I will do the same thing so he is afraid to get close. I dont know what to do to make him ungerstand that I will always be by his side through good and bad times. As for my step daughter (Nicole) I don't think she took the time to learn the things that she needed to make her life on her own easier. So when she was out in the real world she knew how to deal with the things that God would throw at her (cooking,sewing,cleaning,ect.). She was to busy grew up way to fast. She wants to be on her own so bad but when things get tough all she does is run. She never sticks around to see what will come of it. When I think I am close of having that connection that I would like to have it seems that another road opens up and problems start all over again. I know God brought me together with Roscoe for some reason because things seems to be go more smoothly with him in my life. We were both having alot of problems and we helped each other get through the toughest of times. I feel we are both happier than we have ever been. (I know I am). I thank God that he finally brought me to the part of my life that I have a husand that respects and love me unconditionally. I am now at a point that I need to ask for help before it starts to effect my marriage or my own children. If anyone has any advice or knows of any one that might have been through this same situation please help.
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7 comments:
The best thing you can do is pray to God about it. Pray for your children. They won't always make the best choices and you won't like it but showing them support in both the ups and the downs speaks volumes. Actions speak louder than words. It's true. Live your life in the Lord and let your light shine. I've gotten a lot of encouragement from blogs that I follow.
I am sure you never counted on this journey, but it is here and you have to deal with it. I think if we truly want the Lord to be in our lives, then we have to give it to him, ALL OF IT. Don't give up on the kids, just keep on loving and giving. I know from experience that going to church every Sunday, giving our tithe to the Lord and being ever so faithful to him that he has rewarded us with what we have today
and I firmly believe that to be true. He wants us to follow him and be obedient. It is easy to say that Carleigh has made us be a better person, but to truly believe that you have to walk it, live it, and mean it.
Blended families I am sure are not easy but like you said everyone turns their back on them. they have to know that you are both there for them BUT there is ramifications for the bad choices they make too. Don't give up, listen with a gentle ear, a soft voice, and a loving heart.
Love-Linda xoxo
Also wanted to tell you that you and Roscoe HAVE to be on the same page. The kids (all of them) need to see that you are a team and 1 of you won't buckle to the other. Let the love of each other help you through it and remind yourself of why you fell in love in the first place. Let this be the 1 day of the FAMILY going to church on a regular basis. I am telling you it DOES make a big difference.
Linda
I know that when tough times start you feel like you want to run or give up. But don't do that stay fast and let the Lord help you. He is there and he knows what is planned for our lives before we do. I know you want the best for your children and I do believe you can have the things you want. If the children feel and know they are loved you all can pull through anything. I know being that single parent when my kids were younger , was hard but with the faith in God and his help I made it through to where I am now. I have faith in you and know you can do . Keep pressing on no matter what. And pray and give your life back to God and find a church it will help.
Love, Sister Nancy
Wish you the best keep the faith!
Lifes funny how it works. you find your self in love waith a great person you get married you think its going to be grand, a new family, a new life... Bam your children fight ,at time they dont get along at all.....you find he handles thing diffrent than you. you have your ex and his ex putting there 2 cents in ....you sit there wondering what did I get myself in to ...well wake up its called the every day life get over it and move on..... there will always be 2 sets of rulse in house holds of today. yours and your childrens other parent rules in there house hold. you ask how must one deal with it ...well there is no book on just what way works . but I will say our rulse in our home is just that! its our home,there is no well at dads ..or moms we....... you stop then there. And say I understand at dad...moms house you are aloud to......but here we... you set your rulse in your home together as husband and wife, Its not easy being a step parent. sometime its down right hard. you never want to try and take the place of there mother or father becouse your not ......but you can be there in the time of need... there will be things that is said to you when they are hurtting and lashing out ,that can and will make you feel like crap...but think on there lines all that they have been through...what there losses was and how they are finding a place to fit in ...no matter the age they are children with a diffrent parent somewhere else that is missing from there everyday life..so much has changed for them ...they want to care for you they would love to be able to give you a chance to be a part of there life ...but how can they in there eyes your with there mom or dad who they feel should be with there mom or dad they have heard so many things about you that a child should not here about..they are tought to pass judgement before you are even given a chance...but when you are given a chance be ready for it to be ripped away again..... for the they are made to feel from another your trying to take another place ..when in fact we no we are just trying to be a caring person that loves them for who they are and help them in there time of need. so where are they left.......sadley in the middle becouse they dont want anyone to be unhappy with them so they play both side...not to hurt the other...but loosing a part of there childhood having to play a game in witch they should not be a part of...let them love be thenm self and just be there to pick them up when they fall ......they may not in fact be your blood children, but when you said I do they are your children....there is no step to it they are an equal to the ones you gave birth to...they just need the time to make the adjustment needed and for you to sand with them ...you are not there mom or dad and you never will be but you are someone in there life that will never give up on them you are a parental figer in there life so ast like it...let them be there self...keep that door open...it will be hard at times but thats what parents do....keep loving them and being there ...but most of all never give up......dont say things to children of what has passed make what is to come a better place...speck good things to them about the missing parent in there life...let them no its ok to talk to you about them.... respect will come in time they have had a lot to take in ...love them for who they are children....you love your husband well they are a part of him...they are a package deal...move forward make a new start ...leave the past behind you what ever it may have been....let the children no its ok to speck of the other parent infact encorage them to build there boand back with there mom or dad tell them to give there parent a nother shoot inreturn you will be building a bond with them showing them you as a person truly care for them and love them so build your new family together. from the ground up...for if you have no foundation you have nothing. and you will make that connection you are looking for..by forgiving and moving on. live for today for tomarrow may never come and there is no turrning back...Something to think about once you say something you can never take it back ....words hurt think before you speck...love your children as an equarl they are not yours and his they become ours....no matter who the true parents are ,but in returne you have to except the same on the other side of your ex may god guide you and blesse you with each day to give to the power to over come what has past and the love in your heart to move forward for the plan will unfold take the time to understand, and things happen for a reason god gives you the power to forgive .........
The naked truth is the final trait of reality.
Once, proud was I.
As strong as an ox.
As compassionate as a priest.
As understanding as a therapist.
I have succumbed to the lowest form of humanity.
Courageous in my world of lies,
my faith being deceit.
Like partners, I have intertwined you with me,
creating spontaneous combustion within my conscience.
I have worn myself out by running from the truth.
And now the mirrored image haunts me.
I am without speech, for my words are offensive.
I am without sight, for it is clouded.
I am without heart, for it has hardened.
I am without sound, for it has muffled.
I am without soul, for it has drowned.
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